Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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