I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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