i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes