i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
