My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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