6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.