i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
