She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!