I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!