Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK