At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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