I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's intense
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
