she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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