I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
