I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
