ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
