My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
