i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
