Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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