he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
