He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
