Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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