I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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