I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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