I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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