please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
