I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
