you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
