Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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