you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
