dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
