In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize