Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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