I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
