Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm passing your future prison.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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