In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Boobs speak an international language.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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