He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
