We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
