btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
