funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
