well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be still, my beating vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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