You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
