i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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