I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
