had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
