Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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