Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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