thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
