Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
