i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
