Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
