hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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