Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
