so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
