my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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