i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
