Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need moral support for this bender
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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