I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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