Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
