K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
