apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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