There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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