There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
