last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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