I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
