I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
